( /)
(O.o)
( ><)

I went for a walk a few nights ago. I went on a marathon a few nights ago. Twenty miles or so. It was late at night and I felt like a walk. It had been a bad night and I needed a walk. So I took one. I walked from the south side of my city, headed north, and circled back on the north side of Oronogo, two cities later. I walked back. I returned home nine and a half hours later, give or take. Altogether, a very long night. I walked twenty miles according to estimates. I had left near 11:30pm on one night and returned around 9am the next morning. One very long walk. My left leg hurt terribly for a few hours and by now has completely recovered.

Other than that... I still work quite a lot. I'm very tired right now... Um... I found a cool way to make a bunny out of slashes, dots, and parenthesis. That's about all. This is a short post because I just ate a giant pizza and don't feel a great deal like writing. And nothing more significant than my walk has happened. And somehow I managed to condense a nine and a half hour road trip on foot to a single unentertaining paragraph as opposed to turning the ventures of one fifteen minute computer sale into seven paragraphs not counting dialogue.

I'm done now...

HEY CONNIE! Is this BIG enough for ya? ^_^

Thanks for the comment prisoner, we're still working out the comment system. It's no big deal really, from now on I'll have the font at slightly larger than normal just so your poor old eyes can read it. :P (joke!)

And now presenting a post that will finally have nothing at all to do with Best Buy!!! A series of terrible random things have been taking place. And the collective effect of those things is that a number of people are finally beginning to see things as I see them and have seen them for some time. Our feelings about everything are beginning to align.

Yesterday, Natalie, my little sister (she's 18) got into her first car wreck. It was a parked wreck.  Meaning that the person she hit wasn't moving. She just got distracted and wasn't paying attention to the color of the light, nor to the SUV in front of her who had stopped when it turned red. Everyone is okay. She was seriously shaken but she holds everything in pretty well, she wanted to cry and didn't. She rarely cries anyway. In fact... I haven't seen her cry in years. But that doesn't mean anything. It's not as if either one of us are ever around for each other's intimate moments.
The older woman driving the SUV was calm and collected about it. The police arrived, insurance information was exchanged. The only reason I found out about this as soon as I did is because I was crossing Joplin on my way to work and I passed an accident and thought to myself, "Oh, those poor people. Wait... What? That's my sister!" And it was. So I pulled over and went to see what was going on. When it happened, my dad was still gone for the weeked. Altogether, not a very productive couple of days for the family.

The way the car situation works is that My dad owned his big deisel monolith truck, a Dodge something-or-other. And then there's the Mazda dinosaur, a compact car that also runs on deisel (go figure) and is a car older than I am. Nearly 300,000 miles on it, a terribly old and exerted machine. Nathan bought his T100 truck with the help of my dad and my dad's dad. Natalie drove a mitsubishi, a nice one. It was a kind of opalescent purple.

Obviously there isn't the need for so many cars for one little family. There is a spare car. My dad drives the truck, nathan drives his truck, and natalie has driven the purple one. That car is totaled now. The other car, the mazda dinosaur, was being used by Courtney for the time being. Till she could get her own feet under her and get settled into a workable situation with a house and a car of her own. She doesn't live with my dad, she was living in any number of random places while she tried to juggle a son and a job. She has been living with my grandparents, who's charity extended to watching Joel while courtney worked. Courtney has been trying to get her feet back beneath her for several years now, we haven't gotten anywhere in a hurry. The father of the kids, a guy named Billy, has been a dodgy character at the finest. And an absolute brute at the worst, hitting both her and my year and a half old nephew hard enough to cause cut and bruise.

She still sticks to him though. She isn't a stupid girl, I think she just has no where else to go. And she wants those kids to have a father. She knows they need a father. They just haven't got the option of having a good one. My grandmother hasn't been in the greatest condition recently, she's had multiple muscle spasms and contractions and things of that nature. Things that suggest a relevant problem developing somewhere inside the system. All of this is whispered vapors of rumor to me though, these are the things I've only put together in the echo. In the scattered things I hear from time to time. I've not had time to learn of anything in detail. Recently, its almost as if I'm distant enough from them all that I couldn't ask without feeling as if I were prying through things that were none of my business.

As far as concrete facts, things that I know- the problem has been traced to her neck, and she goes in for surgery tomorrow. Dangerous surgery. My grandfather is going to have enough to do with taking care of her following that, and told Courtney that she needed to find a daycare service before surgery took place. Its been some time now, and nothing has been worked out. Party because of negligence, some because she was in the hospital herself, giving birth. Courtney took the two kids up to Columbus, another city where the father is, to let him watch them for the time being while she worked. She found him there with his girlfriend and ultimately decided against it.

Now we're a car short. Natalie needs the vehicle to drive to work, Courtney needs the vehicle to drive to work, and there is only one Mazda. Everyone is fighting, harshly, about it. Courtney's existence is based upon the charity of others, what a true example of all our lives isn't it? What is childhood all about anyway? Dependency. Now everything is at an impasse and there isn't time to find a solution.

"Something will work out." I said once. "Something always does."

The car is technically to be Natalie's. Courtney, in her rash ventures toward independance, shattered the possiblity of a lot of success for herself, and thus killed her ability to be independant. This began several years ago with a simple childish rebellion, it went unchecked, then overchecked, then it went to hell. And here we are now swimming in the residual heat. My grandmother somehow has ended up in the middle of a great deal of it. And it has been very unkind to her. She said she was ready to pack up everything and just move away from it all. There were few who disagreed with her.

Dave, my mom's husband, has had his share too. Between the ever-ascending animosity between himself, my mom, and the rest of the kids, Courtney, Joel, Billy, and the new baby, and all the constant fighting- he's feeling more than he bargained for as well. He told my mom he just wanted to get out. To go somewhere and leave it all behind.

Someone finally sees my reason.

It all began like a beautiful dream. The family was great, the perception behind how it would happen was great. My mom, my dad, the kids, all of us, one great big happy family. Dysfunctional of course, but it worked. These past twelve years it has been that dream like watching a beautiful building crumble in on itself slowly, and everyone thinking "Oh its not that bad, it can still be salvaged. Something good can still be salvaged from this." And th building never stops crumbling. It's different for everyone I guess, the understanding, the perspective of the point of no return. The reality of the matter isn't that it can't be saved. It's that it won't be saved. Everything rots, everything rusts, everything crumbles and shatters and breaks.

Things die. It's like a giant field of dominoes, or like a snowball rolling down a hill, it gets bigger and bigger and eventually people realize what's happening. No... it's like a disease. An epidemic that you can't escape till you just get the hell out. You can try to treat it, you can fight against it. And you may even win. But you've still been sick afterwards and its not the same. It's spreading and it's getting worse. I realized this a long time ago. Now, people are beginning to see.

It's not just my family, and it's not just what happens here and now, its not that there was a car wreck and another baby and this constant drama. Some now see, it is a constant. Something that began a long time ago, something that can no longer be controlled and now it's the thing in control, it's eating everything alive. Distance... is the last resort. Just make sure you're not sick when you leave. Because if you travel out and spread that sickness to whatever eden you found, you've just made it worse.

Stay away from it while you're there. Cleanse yourself with the sterility of insanity. Like immunity, and then leave as soon as possible.

I might have to accelerate my evil four year plan. I might just have to find a way to leave sooner. Perhaps there is a way. Time to be resourceful again. Alright then... have a good night and take it easy.

You especially Jess- enjoy your break. ^_^

Cheers - monsterbox

So apparently my sister had another baby a few days ago.

I was unaware of this till this morning. Reason being that I work almost around the clock and, well. I really don't have that much of a life, I nearly never see my family, and no one tells me these things. I was however vaguely aware that she was pregnant...

Wow. I'm a horrible person aren't I?

The way this happened (me finding out, not the conception... obviously) is that when I got up this morning I stepped out into the hallway and my nephew Joel is running rampant and giggling his teeth out. I catch him as he's running and lift him up and tickle him and he starts yelling my name because he just recently learned it. I make my way into the kitchen to get some breakfast and I bump into my mother, and I'm like- "Hi mom, long time no see."
"Hi, Caleb. Did you see the baby?"
I looked at Joel. "Oh I don't know if I'd really call him a baby anymore..."
She looked at Joel, looked at me. "No, not him, Courtney's new baby."
What? Is she getting him exchanged? I didn't know those things came with a return policy. "I didn't know anything about another baby."
"You didn't?"
"No."
My mother furrows her brow. "Where have you been?"
"At work."
"Oh... well Courtney had another baby."
"Ah." So I grabbed a pancake and drove out to the hospital before work. I went in, found her room, stepped in, she was lying there holding Justice in the bed halfway through watching Catch Me if You Can. It was a very inviting room, which is to say that it was very empty. I was the only one besides the nurse that she had seen all day. Several people were supposed to have stopped by but none of them had showed up. People like the father.

I sat and we talked for a while, catching up. I didn't have too long exactly but I sat there in that big empty room all the same. She offered to let me hold him. And I held him, this little tiny person, no larger than a bread box. We talked some more till the movie ended.
Then I had to go.

I got to work wondering too many things for my own good. Forced myself to get over it, and then set to the task at hand. Once again- we were swarming with customers and there were so few of us left to contain the flood. There was no time for anything, for any thought but doing the job. Another great day of sales. This guy was getting just a case for his computer, an empty tower box. Said he built computers as a hobby and he'd just gotten this massive new power supply and he needed a new cooling fan for the CPU and blah blah blah. Asking for a load of stuff we don't carry. I kindly told him we were not a hardware store, that we sold whole computers, that you could get empty towers but not spare parts. He was miffed. I let him look at our empty towers while I toddled off to help another customer, for there were many of those.

There is this one laptop that was a really great deal that we were selling a lot of, a new one, and a fast one for a really low price. And those laptops were going very quickly. I sold one with an in store setup and a service plan, wireless mouse and a carrying case. Nothing huge, basic, standard features.

As I am handing the woman the paperwork she'd need to fill out, the guy with the tower rolls past with a cart and an actual computer tower. No monitor, no printer, just cables and cords, a keyboard, a mouse, and all of its out of the box. Frank, one of our full time people, is helping him. I ask how he's doing, he tells me he guesses he solved the cooling fan problem. He's just getting a new computer tower instead of a billion replacement parts. I tell him it's probably a wise decision. Frank has this guy going straight basic. Just this tower.

Nah... While my other customer is filling out paperwork, I talk to this guy about the performance service plan, he's getting a good machine, great parts in already, and with the plan if he needs to replace a part: he doesn't have to go look for it, he can just bring it in and we'll fix him up properly. He muses about it while I speak and he decides to go with it. Cool. $250.
I also remembered what he said about his new power supply, I suggest to him an AVR, a unit that protects him from power spikes and surges. He assures me he already has twin surge protectors. I ask if he knows that a surge protector does not protect against spikes and power fluctuations. A 330 watt surge protector will only safeguard you from surges over 330 watts. A 329 watt spike, and the computer takes the jolt full force. The power in one's home is constantly fluctuating, the air conditioning kicks on or the clothes washer starts and power is rerouted, lights dim temporarily and the power traveling to the computer takes a hit. An AVR will protect the computer from all the random fluctuations, streamlines the power, and extends the life of the computer generally 2-3 years. He muses over that as well while I'm speaking, we go look at them on the way to the checkout where Frank is leading him, and because it's on the way it's no problem to stop and look. We decide to go with an AVR, just to be on the safe side. $110.
When we finally get to the register that has been only a few steps away the whole time, Frank is watching me just sell this guy stuff and I asked Frank privately if he'd offered him the in-store setup. He said he had and the guy told him no dice. He looked at me sideways. He dared me to sell it to the guy, dared me to, as if it were my choice whether he bought it or not. "This is why I've been letting you do all the talking, just keep talking."
So I walk back over to the guy and we start talking. He is now at the register getting stuff scanned in. There is hardly time for this. We're talking, he was so apprehensive about the thing. He told me he'd heard of it, and I just started melting his apprehension. I don't even know what I said. Something... I don't know. This guy had come in looking for the tower case and a few spare parts. He had gotten Frank to get him an open item. Now I was talking to him about getting the open item an In-Store setup. He was determinedly no at first, then apprehensive, then unsure, then interested, then he wanted it. It all happened in thirty seconds or so, I'm just talking. Frank watched, shook his head, and walked away. The open item was a 700 dollar tower, I doubled the sale within a few minutes while we are walking from the computer department to the register. When we were done, I shake the man's hand, smile kindly and let him know that the woman here at the checkout can take care of the setup as well and that I had to get back to the sales floor. He smiled back, shook my hand, and I walked back just in time for my other customer to hand me her just finished paperwork. I loved it.

The best part though was not that, the best part was the truck driver and the laptop. I recall writing that it was near impossible to sell an in home on a laptop. Richard disagreed. He said it was possible and that he'd even done it a few times. I told him about the sale I was currently working on (this is later in the day) and I asked him if it was morally ethical to sell an in home to a truck driver who's just got his rig in town for a few days who wants a laptop for the road. He looked at me and laughed. "Are you serious?" It was then then that even Richard Winters I think wondered if some sales were possible. I went back into it. It was the longest sale ever. A full hour and gently explanation and conversation with these guys. The guy was a trucker, drives a semi for a living and just wanted a laptop to use roadmaps and maybe some GPS stuff so he can track his own motions across the road. It was so hard, and I wasn't forceful at all, that is the last way to gather a sale. The absolute worst way is to shove it down their throat. I mean I wanted it, I really wanted it, I'm not going to lie. But I waited for it, I started at the bottom, I worked my way up. We built upon everything, stacking feature and value upon feature and value. It happened.

I sold a three in one in home on a LAPTOP to a guy who doesn't even intend to keep the laptop at HOME! It was gold. That's the short story long. It was a good time.

After work I went to my dad's house for the weekend. I got there around 11:30pm and my sister, brother, and several friends were there. My dad was gone for the weekend to Branson, a nearby tourist town for some fun and such with someone... Anyway. Natalie and Nathan were doing the "Cats away and mice will play" and were having all these random people over for the night. I showed up late and we all ended up staying up late, just talking in the dark till around 3am when Nathan looks up and sees out the window and says "What is he doing?" We all go look out the window and across the street through the window of another house to see this guy standing in his living room doing Karate moves, by himself, without pants. At 3am.

It was so bizzare. So Nathan runs off to get the camcorder and tries to film out of the window but can't because the camera keeps focusing on the screen instead of the window across the street, and when he moved to a point on the window where there was no screen, the guy across the street looked up and I guess he saw the red blinking light because he stopped, turned, and immediately left the room. He didn't come back either. This is the same neighbor that has been seen walking around with a samurai sword in the middle of the day and the last week Nathan found 45 caliber shell casings in his yard while mowing. It's a strange life...

That's about all I have for this one, I actually started writing this yesterday and am finishing it up now. Or am finished with it now. So to avoid much more delay on its publication we'll just wrap it up and post the post.

Cheers-

Monsterbox

Today I did something absolutely hilarious at work. Before we begin let me first complain about the absolutely unbearable length of the day and revel in a moment or two of complete self pity.

...

Okay. So today, work began at 10am. I rolled into Best Buy at 9:15 and the store opened 15 minutes later. Oh... so many things happened. And this twittering little Best Buy Guy (myself) was running to and fro nonstop for the entirety of the shift. It was Mad Friday or something, and it was not an isolated incident, the same thing happened at my other store, Michaels- only worse. But we'll get to that as it comes.

Best Buy was rampant with customers, the majority of which were absolute Scrooges. Did I neglect to mention the Scrooge customer? Let me put it simply. You cannot sell these people life insurance on their death beds. They are that stingy. It's beyond stingy. I offered these people free services.
"No."
I offered them free stuff! I offered them free money! I really did!
"No."

It is at this point that we'll define a rule for this blog. An experience enhancement for all of my faithful reader. (Note: Reader is not a typo. ^_^) The way this is going to work is that I will begin adding my secret, unspoken thoughts in this blog. Ooo... When this happens you'll read what happened- and then see a sentence or two in italics. These are my secret, unspoken thoughts. So for example: In the preceeding scene you what you would see would look something like this:

I offered them free stuff! I offered them free money! I really did!
"No."
What, are you stupid?

The day was crazy. Here's the point: Our store is placed in a "DISTRICT" zone with 15 other stores in the nearby area (the state basically, we're not too populated down here in podunk Missouri). Best Buy's corporate offices had the presence of mind to place all of these stores on a perpetually fluctuating ranking system so at any time, any employee can go to the computers and see how much we suck or rock in comparison to all the other stores in our 'district.' The reason this is important is because it makes the stores engage each other in a mass competition which normally improves sales quite a bit. Smart Best Buy corporate offices. I tell you to see the creativity these people have poured into their business it is no understatement ot declare them complete geniuses of economic and infrastructural management. Half the stuff these people use as basic policy is some of the most whacked up crap I've ever seen. And it works... brilliantly.

Incentives for winning the monthy 'competition' include: bragging rights, a warm fuzzy feeling inside, the store manager gets a bonus for that month, and the random promise of pizza by the department manager Chris Palis and Richard Winters (who of course takes the victory or loss quite personally.) I think there might have also been something that had to do with ducks... but I cannot recall. (No I'm serious, there was seriously something about ducks involved.)

Several days ago, I sold nine in-homes in one sale. This is significant for a number of reasons. First of all, because of margin. I learned quickly that employment at Best Buy is not so much unlike taking a basics business course at a college. Best Buy likes to keep the employee as aware of the big picture as possible. I assume this is for a number of reasons. Reasons like: the sense of company awareness gives the lowly sales associate an understanding that he or she is striving for a greater goal. It also gives a better understanding as to which products actually make profit and which ones do not (an understanding which will earn the company money... obviously), and finally, if you're good, being promoted to something where this knowledge is a prerequisite will cut down on the need to waste time training.

Margin and Revenue are two numbers the associates watch closely. (Two numbers that Richard watches with a frevency comparable to the way a dying man watches his EKG.) While revenue is the money we bring in total. Margin is the amount of money we get from what we brought in. Of course to put stuff on the store shelves we have to buy it first. Then we resell it. Best Buy buys wholesale in bulk, and retails it for a profit. Basic economic physics. So what we spent on it minus what we sold it for, equals our margin earnings, or profit. Revenue is really a useless magical number that is postulated under the impossible pretenses that everything that we sold to customers that day was free for us in the first place. Regardless, we sill watch it carefully.

Quick notes on things that earn margin in order of least to most:

1. Item Accessories
2. Performance Service Plans
3. In Store Setups
4. In-Home Setups

Believe it or not, we don't actually make that much money on computers that we sell. Sometimes we can even end up losing money as a store. Which I'm told and I'm prone to believe is very very very very BAD. So, to avoid that part of BAD, Best Buy offers services and setups that one: earn money atop the computer sale and two: are extremely useful (because we want them to sell obviously, might as well have something that the customer can use). Things like computers do not earn as much money because computers themselves are purty darn expensive and it's a competetive market. Writable CD's however? Not so expensive to get wholesale and earn a decent margin percentage. The same with printer ink cartidges, paper, and printer cables. Accessories like these are useful for the customer, and they make a nice addition to the package, and earn a but of margin atop that sale.

Performance service plans can either be heaven or hell for Best Buy depending on who's using it. The PSP makes Best Buy your technical support / repair shop for the computer you buy. So if you spend $250 on the PSP and use in the three years it convers only bring it in once to get a key fixed in your keyboard, then the PSP has done pretty well for Best Buy's margin. If you're a psycho who likes to take your laptop on canoe trips involving class 6 rapids and lots of unsupervised alchohol consumption then we more than likely will end up replacing your computer multiple times and will lose a buttload of money. It's very give or take.

In store setups are simply, normally run $150 and will make your new computer run like magic. I cold preach the in store setup all day long by now but I've already got a huge blog going here. Basically in store setups are one time full optimization procedures that we can do for the you when you buy. They're very useful and give you a much nicer computer in the end than the one you picked up off the shelf. Plus Antivirus, plus AntiSpyware. Good stuff. These things are great for margin because we didn't have to purchase the in store setup beforehand from a wholesaler. This is just labor. Useful still, but crazy good for the store's welfare.

In-HOME setups are the gods of margin. And well worth it, depending upon your needs. An in-home setup is almost the same as an in store, except we have our Geek Squad drive out to your house and do it there, as well as set it up with your internet, your network, your office space- etc. And numerous other little things. It's also a lot of fun because they're car is just plain cool and good for impressing the nieghbors (geniuses... pure genius). These will normally be about a hundred dollars more than in-store. Almost pure margin.

So selling one with a computer system will allow the store to earn some kickback with the twenty dollars they made or lost on the computer package the customer just bought. They take some of the weight off of the system itself by adding money. Per sale, Margin is calculated as a percentage. The registers at Best Buy calculate the amount of money that was actual product, and the amount of the sale that was services and profit. That percentage beyond basic wholesale to retail profit is the Gross Margin Percent, GMP. Very important because this is one of the most primary ways the winner of the monthy competition is calculated. The way this works is if you sell an eight hundred dollar computer and a service plan, the GMP for that sale will be smaller than the same service plan on a three hundred dollar computer. If a service plan is $200, then your margin for the thousand dollar computer is $200 out of a $1000 sale. About 20%. On the 500 dollar system it would be $200 / $500 or so, making the percentage rise to about 40. Better margin.

Now before we go any farther here, I've got to allocate space to explain that this does not mean selling the cheaper model with the service plan is automatically better for the company. (Note: If you're tired of reading this tripe and want to get on to something more interesting, just scroll down to the big orange letters that say "OKAY, NOW FOR THE INTERESTING PART." -->The reason I'm writing this much about it is because I feel good explaining these things to myself and later if I forget I can reference them. Plus, a background knowledge on Best Buy's operations will make the reader more aware for in the future when I become manager and this stuff becomes relevant. (Shrug)) The reason a cheaper computer with a service plan is not necessarily better is because a cheaper computer is normally cheaper because one or more of the following:

1. It's a piece of crap.
2. It's a closeout model that is normally higher priced and is on sale now so we are rid of it.
3. There are ten billion instant rebates on it.

If the computer is cheap for all three reasons, Best Buy is LOSING SIGNIFICANT MONEY when the computer is actually sold at that price. It's bad when its one. Terrible when two, and absolutely horrendous for everyone when its all three. So attaching a $200 service plan to a computer that we're losing $150 dollars on only makes us $50 dollars- for the entire computer. But selling the same plan on an eight hundred dollar system with no rebates at a marginally profitable price for us in the first place will produce 200 dollars. This is why Margin is not the only number we watch carefully, and is not the only number used to calculate the monthly winner.

Short story long: That nine in one I sold a few days ago? Shoved our department to number one in the district, AND number one in the territory (bigger denomination than district, about 70 stores I think...) and the entire store moved to 12th in the nation (about 700 stores) Which is phenomenal. Richard is preaching pizza. If we can hold the spot till the end of the month it makes us the winner! YAY!!!

OKAY, NOW FOR THE INTERESTING PART:

Wow that thing is an eyesore... Anyway, the point of all of that is that today I sold two in homes out of the air. Which means there was no computer remotely involved. I just sold it to this poor woman buying a printer and a monitor. The day had been so unproductive... like I said, Scrooges. Two million customers, none of them want anything useful. This woman saved me... and it was so weird...

Now- because I'm still the new guy I still am not entirely sure how to ring everything up or what papework is required for sales like this one and come to find out: THERE IS NO SUCH PROCEDURE for the nonsense that I had cooked up. What happened was this woman wanted to buy a computer, we're talking about it and come to find out she has a perfectly capable computer at home, just her monitor and her printer went out. So we look at monitors, I get her into a 19" flat panel with built in speakers. Very nice. We look at printers- I get her an all in one printer scanner copier from Canon, the MP150. Also very nice. I then tell her that if she doesn't want the hassle of getting everything put together and running compatibility with her current machine and dealing with wires and setting up the resolution and (blah blah blah) that we can have the Geek Squad come out to her house and set everything up for her. We talk about that for a while, she comes to the idea and we seal the deal. Grab some ink for the printer, and some paper, and a cable for the printer and off we go. I get to the register expecting we'd just run the sale as everything she had, plus two in home add-ons (software or hardware installation beyond the basic in home setup). Come to find out: the computer requires a computer in-home setup to then put in an add on. Oh... no but you don't understand. She wants the in home. Make this work.

So of course we don't let the poor woman know that something is at all amiss, I just have her fill out her name and personal information on several random sheets of official-looking paper several times assuring her that it's just a part of the procedure for the in-homes while I run around from manager to manager and getting the strangest looks ever trying to make this deal work. Clever that... Anyway, eventually we get to Debbie who is department manager or something or other big shot like that and she's like... "Umm, you said what?" Debbie's a smart gal, she instantly recognized the potential in the sale here and the understanding that the customer wanted it made it essential that we get her what she wants. So she goes to the guy who would actually be driving out to the woman's house and asks him about it.

When he's done laughing, she comes back, shrugs, and tells me to run it through as a wireless network set up ($159) for both of them together and stamp it with a post it note that explains the situation for our Geek. So I do. And that is exactly what happened. Everyone was happy. The woman got what she wanted and I generated $159 of pure margin on two items technically considered profit generating accessories anyway plus ink, paper, and printer cable. Our numbers bounced up again and locked in place. There are about four days left in the month cycle and our spot is nearly guaranteed. Why? Because I STILL do not know what I'm doing... I love it. I can see the headline: "Idiot New Guy Mistakenly Saves Company! Profits Soar!"

After work at Best Buy I went to work at Michaels where I mostly ran a register all night, there were two million people in the store for some God-forsaken reason. I was so tired at the end of it... Basically that's all that happened there though. The really entertaining part of this day happened after work, at Hardees.

Directly after getting off the clock at Michael's I went home and showered, changed, and made a point of feeling a lot better about myself. Then I packed up the laptop and headed of to Hardees for my usual multi-hour interlude before a new day comes and I return to the rat race. I got there around ten forty five PM to find a ton of cars in the parking lot. Okay... freaking why? What is this? Universal go to places and spend money day?

I go inside and there is this line winding around filled to the brim with this gang of sorts. Ghetto crew. Lots of big coats even though its 79 degrees outside, lots of bling bling, lots of dreadlocks, and lots of bad teeth. There is a terrific commotion taking place. Carze looks up from behind the counter with this "Oh no, not another one." Look on his face, the same face I'd been wearing the majority of the night at Michaels, and his face breaks with relief when he sees me.
"Hey! Hows it going man?"
"Looks like you've got quite a crowd here."
"Yeah 'do. Sure 'do. It's prolly gonna... be awhile."
Things were going crazy in that kitchen back there...

Some guy turns from the back of the line and says, "Dude done ran outta fries, dog." Translation: This fine establishment is running low on french fries, also knows as 'chips.' Then he takes a second look at me. "Dude... who is you?" Which I naturally regarded as a mildly unnatural question for this particular setting. I gave him my name. Nothing much really came of it... as far as I know. The following events however may have related.

I soon learned that MSSU, the local college, and Hardees restaurants have teamed up in the local area to provide an absolutely profit annihilating opportunity for the students who attend. Free drink and fries with any sandwich. Freaking crazy. So there's a massive amount of 'homies' all lined up to recieve the discount and are they ever making an ordeal of thing. I go ahead and get in line, plenty hungry. And wait patiently as the line tenderly trickles forward. Not long after, another crowd of people come in that the ghetto crew in front of me apparently know well probably due to equal affiliation with MSSU and wouldn't you know the first thing out of everyone's mouths is that the f'ing store is f'ing out of f'ing french fries, dog.
Translation: Dude, that was some freaking sweet vocabulary there.
Really? You think so? I have been working on it...
Totally, freaking sweet.
No, you mean F'ing sweet.
Oh yeah... duh.

More bling bling, more tall black guys in big coats and too much hair... or no hair... either way- they collect behind me and beside me and basically completely destroy any presentable imitation of a line that might have existed before and perform handshakes and exchange rap dances as is customary and then they settled down a bit.

Here's the stupid part: There is this girl in the crowd that came in behind me and she's like- "Hey, do you live here?" What are you people? My secret fan club? What's with the freaky questions? "Yeah."
"Oh. Cool. Do you go to school around here?"
"I graduated from Webb City." Did I just admit that? Oh God... strike me down...
"Oh."

Tall black guy standing next to her glances from her to me and does this- "Oh oohh!! OH! Uh OH!" And starts bouncing on his hips like some rapper's do and waving his hands and laughing. "Trisha's on it! She on it!"
Trisha? No... No I don't know you.
"Gonna get a little one night stand here now!" He laughs.
I'm taken aback. WAY. "Yeah... not interested." I'll be sure to look you up though if I ever want a incurable STD.
He's quiet for a bit, and his eyes go from me to her real quick then back to me, incredulous. 'Wh- now, what you think she's kidding?"
And who the hell are you? Her pimp? "My girlfriend probably wouldn't appreciate it." I smiled.
"Aww.... c'mon," He leans in and nudges me. "What yo girlfriend don' know ain't gonna hurt her!"
"Oh? Who's the dirty liar that told you that?" Dickhead.
"What?"
"Who's the dirty liar that told you that?"
He just looked at me.
"No."
He shrugged. "Aw'right man, I respect dat, I do." He holds out his hand to give me the ghetto snap shake thing... I take it and we do the ghetto snap shake and nothing more is said of the poor girl.

Chris, one of the guys who works in the back of Hardees tossed me a cup, knowing that I'd be getting a meal, and I filled it with something caffeinated and sat down. I began to write.

A while later the crowd left and I returned for food. Carze and Chris gave me the discount the college students got, just for no reason, and upgraded the whole thing to a large. So basically I ate a lot tonight. Whew... it's been a long day.

...

Why did I just write all that? I can feel the sun coming up... what time is it? Wow... 5:43. Better get down the block, post this, and get to bed.

I miss you Jess... talk to you soon.

-monsterbox.

Alright, I'm just writing this because I feel so freaking cool after having done it. And it was no piece of cake. Plus it was nice to know that I'm still more clever than $40 worth of software... Actually, I wasn't really paying for the software when it all happened. Whatever just proves it wasn't worth spending money on anyway. I don't know why I was even using it, I specifically tell customers at my job not to use this stuff, that it won't work. I suppose now I've got an true story to back up my claim. The reason I haven't broken down and just bought the good stuff is because my Best Buy discount hasn't kicked in yet, and that will save my at least $35 of the forty. It really is an exciting story though. If you're a total nerd. Which I suppose I am.

I just finished a two day bout with a virus.

And man was it ever intense. It was a sneaky little thing, and almost as cunning Wally himself (for more information concerning the tale of Wally and technical detains concerning his eventual annihilation, please refer to... I don't know... just as me and I'll tell you about it.) but nothing could really ever match Wally. This was like a very weak subroutine of Wally. Anyway-

I was cruising around the net a merely two days ago. On tuesday I think... Yes, that was the day... Grr. There's a call for an activeX control which is normally nothing unusual. Sometimes to view certain applications online you have to install what is called an ActiveX control, which will be a program that specifically runs your application and several others by the same company. Often. Nowadays, ActiveX controls are often used as ways for stupid people to download a virus that is cleverly disguised as an ActiveX control.

Apparently I am a stupid person. Because I though nothing of going into my security settings on Internet Explorer and saying to it "Yes, go ahead and download this file even though I really have no idea what it is." (Believe it or not, Explorer Seen actually has an option for that...) The program downloads- YAY! wonderful, the application runs just as it promised to do. So I continued not to think anything of it.

Bad idea.

Moments later, a little bubble pops up an tells me that I have might just have a virus or some spyware, and that this program called something like "Spyware Killerer.. er" Might just do the job in killing it. Now, I can buy it for fifty three dollars from the online website by clicking on this little balloon. Well isn't that nice? I can just click this little balloon and suddenly I'll have antivirus guaranteed to find my virus and kill it. Well it ddidn't take three seconds for me to figure out what was going on and promptly smacked myself in the head. I'd stupidly downloaded one of those corporate viruses. Basically, its a virus made by an anti-virus company that pops up in your system and tells you that you've got a virus and the only solution is to BUY OUR ANTIVIRUS SOFTWARE. Its not that simple though, or no one would ever fall for it, of course it's also got to do all the same stereotypical virus things, like eat the computer alive till you but whatever. By infecting random files. The first thing it hits is my internet explorer. It changes my home page to their home web site, the one that will allow me to buy their antivirus. Any and all attempts to alter the home page back to my original are worthless. And any time I try to navigate away from their stupid page, it just clicks me right back to it again. So, I cannot move from this page in internet explorer, so getting online to kill it is hopeless. I open AVG, my free anti virus software. This free download is supposed to be able to accomplish all the same things that a paid program can. Okay... So I scan the computer.

After an hour of scnanning, it reports I have two files with viruses. Great. It was then I realized why AVG is not a paid program. It's a virus scanner, and that is all. There is no "delete that freaking virus" option" There is just the AVG telling you that its there.

Screw that. I went in search of the thing on my own. I hit CTRL-ALT-DELETE and went into my system processes looking for unfamilliar files. I checked all the ones not marked SYSTEM and found their actual process origins. Then I backchecked those processes in the system registry with a parameter for anything created within the past few hours and collated the results. There were two. Then I searched the name of the website that kep appearing in my home page and that search turned up dry in the registry at least. The files that appeared in the registry as recent were shut off manually, by me, through CTRL-ALT-DELETE. A few of them go down. And two immediately reload themselves. Bingo. These are my little guys. At least...  that's what I figured first. These two little twerps name isamonitor, and isamini. The little bubble thing pops up again and I take special care to note the system icon it sprouted from. It looked like those triangular yield signs and had an exclamation point in it.

I did a basic system search for the first file: isamonitor.exe. It turns up in a program files folder alongside four other files, one of which is isamini.exe. I also find that little icon with the yellow yield sign and the exclamation point. I select everything and hit delete. Three files hit the Recycle Bin and two stay. Guess who... isamonitor and isamini. Apparently the files are in use so I can't delete them. I again go into my processes and manually shut them down. POP! They open right back up again.

Pesky little things...

So I can't delete them until they're turned off, and I can't turn them off because they insist on popping right back up. It's got a stranglehold on my Internet Explorer so I can't go grab a utility that will allow me to freeze a process in action and delete its origin. So what am I to do?

I restarted my computer, again. Remember this all happened over the course of two days. I watch my startup tasks and it shows that these two buggers are among the first basic system apps to run. Apparently, somewhere, there is a list, and the list has the names "isamonitor" and "isamini" as one of their startup programs. I thought for a second. I could take several hours plowing through program files and INI files until I find it and remove the few lines of code that ask for those names. Deciding that I didn't want to do that, I instead tried something completely absurd. I went directly into the folder where the two viruses were kept and  right clicked : Rename. I named isamonitor.exe "poop" and renamed isamini.exe "turd." Closed everything and restarted the computer.

It works. I get a small message at startup telling me that the exe file "isamonitor.exe" could not be found and could not be initialized. I click okay and another message pops up telling the same thing about isamini.exe. And I'm like- "THAT'S BECAUSE I RENAMED THEM POOP AND TURD YOU ASININE MACHINE!!!"

I bolted into the folder, found poop and turd and deleted them both. To the glory of God above, they hit the Recycle Bin with a satisfying clank and I emptied it, sending both files into oblivion.

Now my internet explorer is back to normal, running my own start page like it should and allowing to move freely about the net! So basically I met two viruses in codeplay combat and thrashed them both! HAHA!

Caleb - 2
Viruses - 0

Booyah! I felt so cool. ^_^

Yikes! Work today starts at five and I'm supposed to meet some dude at 722 Connor Street in Joplin today to look at an apartment at freaking FOUR! Which means I may be cutting my timeframe a little close. I'll keep a good watch on it though, the time that is. I have a good internal clock and keep track of time pretty well (just buy a watch you dunce. I did... and I lost it, or it broke... one of the two, maybe both) ANYWAY. Even if I didn't have a great internal clock, I do have another gift that proves useful in such situations. I have the most amazing ability to sense when people are looking for me. Not the most common of supernatural attributes, but very potent. And a very responsible one come to think of it. I'll know the exact moment a customer at work becomes tired of waiting and moves to find me. I'll know the exact time that my mother wakes up and wonders where I am in the middle of the night. (Doesn't happen anymore, we came to an understanding about that. Simply- I come home whenever and lock the door, she doesn't wake up and drive around the nieghborhood looking for me at two AM. It's a wonderful system. Used to be I'd be out and somewhere around just after midnight she'd wake up and wonder if I was hope, make an ordeal out of it, and check to see if my car is outside. That's when my radar goes off, tells me that I'd better book it, and I get in the car and drive home just to pass her going to the other way on my road heading god-knows-where-she-thinks-she's-gonna-find-me in the middle of the night)

However intriguing my extra sensory perceptions may be though, its hardly the point. The point is that I have an appointment in less than an hour to see some guy at an apartment with two bedrooms. The basics looked good... I do hope they allow pets. How else will Arby be allowed to stay? The reason for this most ospicious adventure includes the retrieval of my paycheck from Best Buy. That happened today. I recieved the funds for all of my efforts in the past three weeks and it totalled to around 200 PER week, ending finally at some $610. Booyah. Not rolling in it of course, but enough to scrape out a decent living for my demographic. Which means I start apartment shopping. I called several residences and one very old guy told me I had the wrong number. I checked it, sure enough I did. Thank you and sorry. Click.

I do hope there's no tangle with credit. Being that I don't have credit and all that... I pay for everything in cash. Which only means I don't buy things that I don't have money for. Believe it or not, that isn't exactly normal these days. The best way to attain leniency in any monetary situation, is to develop a good natured and strong relationship with the guy that you owe. Like if I ever owed Arby money and I couldn't come up with it on the spot. Just a guess, but I don't think he'd evict me. Just as I would not evict him. Obviously. So, just a tip. An obvious one I think. Become good friends with everyone, and sooner or later, when you owe them something (not like anyone intends to fall into debt) at least then you'll get a little slack. ^_^

I'm off to see the apartment! Cheerio!

-Monsterbox

In an amazing tangle of fate, emotion, and good old fashioned irony, my father, yes, my very own dad, has managed to find himself tumbling happily along in a plotline it would seem was taken from a bad combination of SITCOM style and Reality TV. Not that the man has ever watched 10 hours of television in his life, in fact, even if he were a television enthusiast, I don't think he would have watched this one. Why? Because in reality, you're more likely to see a man in a black trenchcoat dodge bullets atop a skyscraper than you are to see the scenario my dad has found himself in.

Perhaps replace the word 'scenario' with 'hole' and 'found' with 'dug," depending on who you ask and where this goes. Me? I'm just laughing aloud. This is not life, this is drama. And as much life as my dad has lived (getting good use of that senior's discount dad?) this, I imagine will be his first real encounter with drama. And by drama I of course mean, something a junior high / high school girl would find absolutely serious. And thank God in heaven there are none of those involved. This certainly is the sort of thing that would wind up in a bad rumor... then again, this is the age of information and technology. It's more likely nowadays to end up on MySpace... or a blog. ^_^

And again, I must consider the fact that I have sisters... one of which who is a Junior High school girl. Then I must also couple that with the knowledge that my dad actually teaches at a Junior High so... suffice it to say he's absolutely marinating in dramatic potential. (If he is reading this, he is probably going to consider the positive connotation of the word 'marinating' to be rather out of place in this context. Just remember that anything being marinated is about to be either eaten- or set on fire, and then eaten. ^_^)

Ready to get to the meat of this story? (Ha! A pun!) Our story opens several years ago with my parents' divorce. We can talk about that all day long but as its not the point, we're going to skip the majority of it. My mother and my father go their separate ways as the kids, me and all of my siblings. Well of course life doesn't end there so eventurally people started seeing other people and my parents took up dating. (Not each other... Which is kinda obvious) There were a few interests on both sides but nothing solid until my mom met this guy named David Idleman. Key facts concerning him include that he is also divorced, was married to a woman named Amy, and has a daughter named Sarah. We could talk all day long about him and how that's working out and all but again it isn't the point so suffice it to say they were officially married on May 8th, 2004 while I was at a theme park and thats about all I wanted or needed to know.

As we're gracelessly skipping through recent history, my dad also became involved in a somewhat serious relationship with another named Alisa. Nothing like marriage mind you, it was good for a while but didn't work out and there was nearly some drama over it but nothing amazingly uncommon and my friends that isn't the point either so we're going to skip the majority of it as well.

Fast forward to the present day, or... several days ago. This is where we slow down, elaborate, and explain the reason why I'm still laughing. Oooo... DRAMA! (shivers in the stupidity of it all) So, I am at church on sunday morning and I think it had just ended and I am walking past, rather through, a crowd of people and I encounter my dad. Someone immediately attacks the other and that goes on for a while like it normally does and then we break and reinvestigate our surroundings. Standing between one of the pews near us and watching the minor fiasco (a common occurence) is this woman that I hadn't seen before. I didn't get the major details at the time, but as churchly fellowship goes I intoduced myself and we exchanged names and she's like- "Oh, you're Caleb? I know about you." Apparently she knew I was the son of my father (which is to say she knew my dad either before or better than she knew me). We talked a short (very short) while and she seemed a lovely person, filled with energy and pretty darn pleasant at that. Had I been paying my best of attention, I might have better noticed my dad beside me. His reactions and his mood were somewhat different in that moment. It was very subtle, but I caught the scent of it.

Fasting forward again. I arrive at my dad's house later in the evening one night and find him very much not at home. In fact- no one is home. But I am used to that so I merely wrote on my computer for a while. After a long while I called his cell phone, from the house phone. He answered with the words-

"Hi Bethany."

After assuring him that I was not my little sister and having a good laugh we discussed each other's wherabouts and quickly discovered that I was at his home and that he was certainly not and as I delved there was a moment of hesitation before he finally told me he as at a certain someone's house. My eyes went a little ide and I smiled, and there was some silence... and then I think I asked him if he was having fun and after another moment of hesitation, he replied that he was. That coversation dissolved into unspoke understanding shortly following that and after stepping in to explain that Nathan (my brother) and a friend were there, and that Sarah (my stepsister) was there as well, little more was said so we both said goodbye, see you soon, and hung up.

He returned just around midnight and I am still there, shmuck that I am, still typing on the computer. After showing him a small video clip I downloaded called Animusic (which he thought was very cool, the demo clip is linked here, if you want the whole thing just comment me and I'll send it to you. Right now I can't find the exact address, but I will). I soon asked him how his night was and he told me he had a great time and a lot of fun and I nodded and he nodded and we just kind of looked at each other for a while...

"You like her?"
"I really do."
There was a pause in which a nearly began laughing, but didn't. "It's weird isn't it?"
"Oh it is so strange... I mean, is this even possible?"
I shrugged. "Looks like it's happening, so I guess it is."

It is at this point that the actual details of what happened that night, and in those other nights, must blur. For one, I don't exactly know the details, and for two, it is such that it is such details are impossible to understand, even for those that experienced them. I asked my dad what had happened. We talked, he talked, I listened. He told me how very weird he felt again and again and again... It was all I could do to keep from laughing. I believe he keeps reservations about the situation, that is- about dating the woman I met at chruch. And the reasons for that are not hard to understand at face value. He wants to be careful, and is, and wonders about so many things that won't change anything at all. About himself and his own emotions, and about her and her emotions. All of this has been playing up a bit. And I know, generally, this kind of thing isn't that uncommon, generally a divorced man seeing another woman is common enough. So why the intrigue and the hint of panic resonating in my father?

Simple. The woman I met at church is Amy Idleman.

Dave's ex-wife.

(sigh) it's late folks. And I have to get up early in the morning and go to work a full day at Best Buy and Michaels. I'll chatter about this some more later. ^_^ I hate to leave you all hanging and all... but consider now that you know everything I know about the situation, for the most part. Except for perhaps the fact that she likes him in return and when I went to his house just tonight to get the stuff I left there over the past weekend, he was gone, and when I asked: I was told he was gone on a date. That's all I know. As you have the story now, all you really lack is my personal commentary and unspoken details, which, if anyone actually wants to read about, may appear here later.

Dad, if you're reading this, don't worry about people seeing this. Only two people ever really read this blog, me, and a particular Australian who wishes you no harm. ^_^ I'm not talking about it, for obvious reasons. See you around, maybe after work one night. Depends on where you are. ;)
Cheers-

-Monsterbox

It was a dark day. Thunder rolled as lightning danced across the open plains and Anthony Casimire stood, clouded by confusion and frustration, clenching his fists in near explosive agony. He had done everything they asked of him, and still, there was no hope of success. It was time for action, and action would finally end it.

It began before, not so long ago, in the office of some unnamed financial peon suboordinated by the university. The topic for discussion was a college loan, and it was progressing wonderfully. All the details were worked out, all the paperwork was signed and documented- a smile and a handshake and all was well, our Casimire was on his way.

Something happened. It was discovered that a loan was not necessary, that the funds for a payment may already be at hand. As a loan can create years and years of painful paymaking long into later life, Casimire's quest quickly came to a resolution of restructuring his financial plan, and to appropriate the changes, he again sought out the financial peon with whom he'd first spoken. That advisor cheerily took his first payment and gave him a brief explanation as to how the online payment system worked. After which he was sent on his way. He set out to set up his online payment profile on the University's website. Which is where everything went to hell.

He called around. "The website wants my bank account number and I gave it to them and it says no good, it also wants me to send a first payment and I already paid that one, all of my information is bad, and nothing is working."
The peons, the useless standing pile of human infidelity created only to hold the architects of reason at the top, were utterly without a solution. Phones rang, numbers were transferred, and our friend, the good Anthony Casimire watched his world slowly swirl down the toilet bowl of the university's infrastructure to tune of the elevator music playing peacefully over the phone on hold. For endless hours and wastes of time, he toiled and struggled, jumping through hoops and landing in crap, only to roll over and face the same predicament over and over again. No matter what he tried, no matter what they said, nothing was working, until he found an angel.

"Hello?"
"Ooh..."
"...Hello?"
"Lady I don't know who you are, but I've got a sad story to tell you... A really sad story."
"... okay. I'm listening."

Anthony Casimire, in a drunken-like state of red-tape weathering on his mind, conveyed the events of the past few days, and the absolute impossibilty of his situation. He spared no details, and something happened.

"Here's what you need to do-"
His eares perked up.
"There is a building, and within that building there may be one who can help you. I must warn you now, there may be great resistance, you have met them before and they are only peons, she is your only hope. Let nothing stop you, and let no one impede your progress. You must cut through them like a hot blade through margarine, until you find... the door."
"The door?" Casimire whispered excitedly.
"I can only show you the door, it is you who must choose to pass through it. She will be through that door, and it is she who is your last hope of salvation..."

Casimire listened carefully, he drank in every word, and when he had all he needed to know, he thanked her and went. He stood now before the building, shrouded in doubt, but desperate enough to attempt anything. There is perhaps one thing that no one could deny about his bedraggled self, and it was that if nothing else:
He certainly was prepared.
Cocking both uzi's with a commanding click and shoving between the folds of his long tenchcoat, he lowered the sunglasses over his eyes and checked the bindings on his boots a final time. Then he entered, the path before him stretched out like a long, impossible eternity with but a single point, his salvation at the end. Everything between was no more than static.
He entered the lobby.
"Hi there! Welcome to our financial aid office- can I help y-"
RATATATATATATATATAT!!!! Gunfire roared and the receptionist was blown back in a hail of bullets. Casimire turned, saw two more bolting towards him-
"Have you seen our easy to use website?"
RATATATATAT!!!!
"Have you talked to our admissions office about your financial options?"
RATATATATATATAT!!!!

Casimire lunged forward, bolting down the halls, two empty clips fell form the uzi's and he spun them down, connecting them to the spare clips on his belt, they locked securely into place, and he continued to run. The hallway filled with nameless, faceless persons, shouting hollow advice and offering mediocre suggestions.
"I told you people! I'VE TRIED THIS ALL BEFORE!" The tips of his guns ignited in flame and smoke and dozens of flying projectiles blitzed from the barrels and went searing through the air into the scattered resistance. The sound of shell casings and bodies simultaneously crashing to the floor echoed in sadistic symphony... The guns in his palms shook with terrifying rythm as he ran, screaming in a fury of energy. Secretaries and receptionists dove for him time and time again as he tore down the hall, only to be blown away by the stream of metal. The right gun clicked wildly, the second clip empty. A man was advancing, and Casimire redirected the left. A line of shrapnel carved into the wall like a violent stripe of chaos, crossing through the man and filling the air with dust and chips of the building. The left gun clicked out and Anthony dropped them both, still he ran. There it was! He saw it in the distance, standing alone like the solitary ray of light in the end of this long dark tunnel. He was nearly there! Only a few more steps!
WHAM!!!! He flew sideways in the sudden impact. He rolled to his feet and spun to see what had hit him.
"It's simple, all you have to do is create a user ID and enter your account information." The man growled.
Somewhere in the distance a spat of wind was picking up speed, it spun through the air, whipping wildly as it neared the building littered with death. It found a hole and blew through a window broken by bullets and so many shards of shrapnel, carving down the hallway past the man facing our hero. "You have no more guns, what do you think you can do? You can't proceed until you have a valid user ID!"

The wind reached Casimire and blew past, flaring his trenchcoat and revealing the shaft of a long and wicked Katana. Anthony Casimire smiled. 

With a ringing scrape the blade erupted from its sheath and into the freedom of the air still wafting with the dust of destruction. The eyes of the man, this nameless impotence, this obstacle in the path of a righteous quest, went wide with terror.
Casimire lunged forward, blade high, adrenaline pouring through his viens. The blade moved, backed by an untold energy surging powerfully through the arms and hands of this unstoppable factor.

From the exterior of the structure, passing students watched in wonder and awe as a man exploded violently through a solid brick wall, flying backwards into the air with brick dust and granite in his wake. The hole created framed the weary sillouette of a single man with a sword, standing upright in a hallway littered with bodies. The form turned, and dissapeared once again into the mire of chaos.

Casimire stood before the door nearly shaking, he checked left, checked right, and peered warily over his shoulder. Everything had been done... everything... This was it. His shaking hand reached forward and rested lightly on the shining brass handle of the doorway... He closed his eyes, clenched his teeth, and took a strong breath. His hand turned and grasped the handle firmly, turned it, and threw it open.

He found himself standing in light.
"You have journeyed far..." Said a voice. "What is it you seek?"
"I..." He stammered. "I just want to pay for college. That's all, I just want to pay for my college!"
"Then you have come to the end of your quest. Here is an address, take it, write a check and send your payments there. And all will be well."
Casimire took the address and stammered a thank you. Then he turned... and began walking the long hallway home. It was, at long last... over.

(Dedicated to Anthony Casimire, best of luck with the lest of college mate! ;)

Did I neglect to mention the two most completely abnormal articles of furniture that appeared in my kitchen yesterday? I didn't understand them or what they thought they were doing in the kitchen, but according to my research they came from the Target store. These two bizzarre additions to the increasing chaos of our household clash with literally everything within the walls. Can I even describe these things? They look like a deformed tulip, only shiny and coated in a matte of black with a flat metal base and this metal curve that sticks out and... Oh screw it. let me find a picture.

This- only black. Apparently you sit in it. The monstrosities have been parked beside the bar-area beneath the jutting countertop. And it's not what they are... I could even call them cool on a certain degree. Really I could. But they do not belong in our kitchen. They defy everything about the cool, unobtrusive tile and grout, the rustic stained wood cabinets and shelves, the neat, collected arc of the granite countertops, and the soft metal of the sink. They just do not fit... Blech. Though, sadly, they are not mine so I cannot move or remove them...

• Caleb - 2
• Freaky Space Age Barstools - 2 (one apiece)

Behold... I am being outgunned by alien furniture... I am pathetic.

Hello friends. Recently it has come to my attention that some of the viewers of this blog have become disgruntled. Why? It is simple. While college life may be far better than High School, it must still be listed in the minds and priorities our young people. Put simply: Education is great, we acknowledge that, we understand, we know, get off our backs about it. Here's the thing- Wonderful though it may be, it has its place, and that place is not every possible facet of our existence. There are other things that exist in this world that also demand our attention. Things like breathing. Remember oxygen? That stuff is important.

While it may be parental obligation to encourage the advancement of one's education, it is not their personal responsibility to make sure the child cannot even sleep at night because they are completely drowning in such encouragement. It may be easy to push your young academic to be the best, one must understand the prudence of A BREAK. There has to be a balance. A give, and take. A synergy. For that fact, I, the standing operator of this blog (okay... so I am actually sitting... It's not actually my fault though, I lost both my legs last night in a freak teleporter accident en route to my new job as an intergalactic dishwasher. ... Please don't ask) have resolved to administer that synergy, or at least to attempt it. ^_^

My attempt will consist of talking... mostly about anything at all OTHER than college. I will begin with a story, and that, I swear to you means nothing and can go anywhere. It all started some days ago when I was sitting in my car preparing to go into work at Best Buy. Had you been watching me on that fateful day you would have seen me blink suddenly, pop open the laptop, tap out a few quick lines, save the file, and then go into work. I returned to it several hours later after work and found I had no idea what I had started for, and just picked it up where I left off. The document that I opened grew, kinda... the end result (a work in progress I'm afraid) was the following spiel of nonsense:

The Pattern of Insanity

Abraham Lincoln once said, “Don’t I destroy my enemy when I make him my friend?” I actually wrote this quote before. About… ten hours ago. I had some brilliant idea that involved that quote and the title “The Pattern of Insanity” and I was going to write it and it was going to be profound and a great revelation like some of the stuff I write. I was actually in my car when I wrote it. The really great idea struck right before I got out of my car, just before I had to go clock on for work. So I typed up the title and the quote and saved it and stuff. Now, ten hours later I’m kinda exhausted and really don’t know what I as going to write about. I know it would have been great though. I know it would have been absolutely awesome.

Something like this would have bothered me before, you know, having that great idea and it gets away from you? Earlier, in life that is, that would have bothered me. Okay so it does kind of bother me, but I sure got over it pretty quick. Normally it would take me a lot longer to recover from a loss like that. I mean there’s quite a bit that can get built up inside when you have an idea like… well, like whatever it was I had before I clocked in. Anyway. I’ve kinda gotten used to it, so I’m not so bothered now. Used to bother me, not so much anymore. Probably because this isn’t the first time this has happened. It actually happens to me quite frequently… and I also know it won’t be the last time either. Though, logically, if its not the last time its going to happen, it does mean that I’ll probably have great ideas like that again, and statistically, every time I have a great idea, my odds of not losing it, like I did this time, actually increase… right? At least I think that’s the way it works. Then again it’s probably a joke. How can you predict the future with the past? I mean, seriously, if we could do that, someone would have the future mapped out already and finding out about it would be boring as heck when the future actually got around to being the present.

Actually I think that’s kind of what it was about. My idea… not the part about the future or the past or any of that, but the other part. About logic and statistics and all of those things. Or how… how they aren’t… I don’t know. Like how they aren’t working or something like that. Yeah, something like that anyway.

So… I really don’t know why I’m still here typing like if I sit here long enough just typing away eventually the idea will come back and say “Here I am! Write me down before I get away again!” Because that probably will not happen. And like I said I’m over it anyway so really what I’m doing now makes very little sense… at all. Really if you think about it, I’m not all that logical a person, in fact I’m pretty illogical if you think about it. Why am I here, still typing. And why do I stop every now and then and ask myself why I am doing what I’m doing as if I’m going to answer myself with something… profound?

Believe it or not most of those profound things that I ever write actually seem to invent themselves. Just out of the random… stuff. Like this. I’ll be writing along, maybe I’ll care about what I’m writing, maybe not, and eventually I’ll be writing and the thing will get really long and I’ll sum it up with something like “Well, I guess that’s all… I’m going to go to bed now.” (Because most of the time this stuff happens at night) And I won’t think about it again for quite some time and then later I’ll read it (like a few days later) and I’ll see it and I’ll be like “Whoa! This is, actually… pretty darn cool.”

I guess basically if I just wander around my own mind long enough its like I find something shiny laying there and I don’t know what it is till I… wash it off or…

Okay that’s a terrible analogy. Like I wander around my own mind till I find an animal and I don’t know that it tastes so good until I let it cook… and then eat it later…

Okay, better analogy, and somehow managing to be pointlessly barbaric.

Alright, so what I’m saying is that normally, if I come up with something profound, I am normally just writing along and it happens all by itself. I’m not trying to be profound, I don’t work towards it… in fact I wonder sometimes if half the stuff I discover is really worth discovering. Mostly though it happens while I’m just talking, ranting… I suppose more so in ranting because in ranting there’s a lot of emotion and you’re just spilling everything out there and somehow it gets written or said and its so raw and pure and true that anyone who reads it is pretty much profounded for the rest of the day. Those are the kinds of things that make people feel that… that profound this-is-truth feeling.

I’m just saying I’m really no genius or, a wise guy or any of that. I don’t really work to come up with this stuff, just because I have the capacity to doesn’t mean I intend half the stuff to happen.

I don’t even remember what happened today. I was sitting in my car for God’s sake listening to something, music or something like that, just waiting to go inside and get on the clock and sell a bunch of computers and stuff like that. And, of course, there’s my brain somewhere involved, running in the background like a trillion miles an hour like it always is. Because it never shuts up… kinda makes it hard to sleep sometimes. Anyway, so I’m just about ready to turn off the music and head inside for a good, productive work day and suddenly, BAM, something hits me, I guess… there were probably a few thoughts that went along with it… something about the matrix I think. Yeah, I can remember my brain mentioning the matrix, you know, just at random, right before it happened…

Yeah! Okay so it was the third matrix movie, the one where, well… basically everything else happens in this last movie, but there’s this one part where Trinity is pointing a gun at that snotty French guy and she threatens to kill him because he’s got Neo and the French guy’s wife is like “She’ll do it! She’s in love! She’ll kill us all!” And the French guy is like… “It is amazing how similar the pattern of love is to the pattern of insanity.”

Yeah… that was it. That was exactly what was reported just before the brilliant idea hit. Okay cool. So I still have no idea what that idea was. Wait a minute… why did I write a quote by Ben Franklin? Wait no… that’s Abraham Lincoln. Okay, so why did I write a quote by Abraham Lincoln? “Do I not destroy my enemy when I make him my friend?”

Something is there… I can kinda feel it. At least I think I do. Sometimes I’ll get this feeling in my gut which means I’m really onto something. But I’m hungry tonight so it could just be a false alarm. Hm… I should probably go eat something and see if that’s it. No. No I’m not really that hungry.

No wait… I am. I think. Hm… my stomach and I haven’t got the most conversational relationship in the world. In fact we haven’t really adequately communicated in quite a long time. I think the last time I got a loud and clear “FEED ME!!!” was like… four years ago at summer church camp. I remember that because I had missed lunch and that was the main meal of the day, I had a pop tart for breakfast and that night, after a full day of avid recreation, there was dinner, which I also didn’t get because dinner was not complimentary. Unlike lunch, dinner was basically whatever you bought at the snack stand before the nightly program, meeting, ceremony thing. And I didn’t have any money. So I had always been sure to eat a big lunch when it was lunch time and I had missed lunch. I don’t remember why… And that night my stomach swore up and down at me. I eventually found something to eat the next morning. But I haven’t heard a lot from the old boy ever since that night. Just very light nudges of “eat?” but nothing so far since that I could actually verify as legitimate hunger. And even if I could there’s not really a way to measure hunger as legitimate or not so probably it would be pretty pointless. Kinda like most of this document.

So no, seriously, there was a reason why I wrote the words “The Pattern of Insanity” and that quote by honest Abe (which is a crock by the way, I played Abraham Lincoln for a bunch of fourth graders last year as a part of the speech and debate program, turns out the guy lied all the time.) and also now remember- (well not all the time really, but he wasn’t an angel by any means) remembering the origin of the “Pattern of Insanity” thing. A freaking quote from the matrix, and a quote from Abraham Lincoln as the last two clues to refinding my profound thought…

Yeah… I’m screwed.

What are we now? Three pages? Gee wiz, this little guy is just cooking isn’t he? Whew. This doesn’t make any sense at all. One thing you’ll notice about my mind is that it doesn’t sit still. Not for anything. I tried, it about drove me crazy when I was young, I didn’t know what was wrong with me, why there was this part of my psyche that I didn’t control that always went, over and over and over, and never stopped. It just started and never ended. I figure if I cared enough I could retrace the mental footprints to the point that I could calculate with some degree of accuracy the very first synapse that was fired in my head the moment my brain developed the ability to actually “think” about things. Which in turn I suppose would be a good argument to toss into the abortion debate. The first time a kid in his momma thinks anything, how’s that for a life registry standard? Nah… growing up was insane. Way insane. Seriously, it was kind of unnerving, having that extra part of my mind, like an extra, supplementary thought process that I didn’t control, that just went on its own, outside my own influence. I mean think about the identity crisis there just waiting to happen? Who are we if we are not even our own thoughts? What are we?

Fortunately I never went through such a crisis. I was an ignorant kid with a lot of imagination and only a basic understanding of my own motor skills and I figured that everyone had this and that it was normal. Eventually, I’d just get used to it. And eventually, I did.

Eventually I learned to proud it, to alter the flow of information if I wanted. It was a wild ride at first. Whew! Was it ever. Like trying to drive a car for the first time and your test car has only one speed: liquefy. (I know it’s actually a blender setting but trust me, if you’d been there, in my head I mean, it would make plenty of sense) I got the hang of it eventually, I can use it if I need it, and I’ve gotten to the point where I can almost ignore it… But its always there, just a running in the background as if it were trying to accomplish something. I hear it sometimes when I’m trying to have a conversation- you know like the stupidest things like, “Now would be a really funny time to poke that person in the eyeball.” And I’m like – Now where did that come from? As if… yeah. As if I’m going to answer myself. Then again I kind of know where it came from. I know where the idea came from anyway. I mean you could call it mine, but honestly, as much sense as that makes, I don’t know if I accept that. I mean… it sure would make a lot of other really odd things mine as well. If we’re going to set a standard or a system of rules for what comes out of that flying cyclone of independent brainpower. An awful lot of things would be mine.

If they are then that means I guess that I came up with them, whether or not I intended to, and that raises many questions about, again… who I am. If I wanted to ask that question… again. And I kinda really don’t. I know who I am, I just never bothered to explain this phenomena in my brain.

I did research on it, and the research that I did told me that I was autistic. Then I did research, rather thorough research, on autism, and I came to the conclusion that I could be, but I’m more likely just very close to it and something else entirely. (shrug) Who knows? Maybe I’m some new… genetic abnormality, the first of my kind. Hm…

Well whatever it is, it certainly doesn’t seem to be doing me any harm. If fact its been doing me a lot of good I think. Not a lot gets past me without getting a great deal of thought put into it. For that reason I am not at all impulsive, I am allowed an amazing amount of self-control, and I am the most patient human being on this planet. I mean, that isn’t a problem is it? C’mon.

I had a conversation, several conversations recently, about people with disorders or diseases, the mental kind mostly. My experience at the summer camp where I worked gave me a good foundation of experience and her… brother, mother, uncle, step cousin or something had a crazyness disease so she kinda knew what she was talking about. And we talked about… I don’t know. I think mostly about how most of those people, the crazy ones? They’re pretty much mostly harmless. I mean, at least as harmless as the average person can be. In fact I’ve met plenty of people who are in a perfectly normal state of mind who

Wait.

Wait wait wait wait wait holdthatthought…

What is crazy?

What is… insanity? And why is it bad? Why is it so… dangerous? Why is it bad. What is crazy anyway? What is insanity. What does it do?

Is there a method to it? A way to identify it? Anything consistent about it? Is there a pattern? How do you know if someone is crazy? You’d figure, that… I mean if we’re putting insanity to terms of definition, that for us to call a group of people crazy would mean that they all have something in common

Right?

Sure, they’re all crazy. What is crazy though? Hm… hard one. “You’re crazy man. That’s the dumbest thing I ever heard.” That’s what I thought the first time I heard it - “Are you crazy!? What do you think you’re doing?” So what is normal. What do I do different if I’m normal? What do I do different if I’m insane? “This can’t be happening… I mean… this is crazy!” Calm down - That’s it… calm down Eureka! Latin right? I have found it? I think… I might really have it I really think I might have it! the thought... the, thing... the profound one... emotion .... insanity.

There is a pattern here. Alright- people? You still here? Still listening? Okay I think I might have it, I'm holding the thought- I'm going to go write as much of it as I can and see if I can get it back. I uh... I'll post something. Probably not about this. This is... well you don't want to know about all of this. It's boring. I'll get back to you! :P

Cheers.

There seems to be something quite the trouble with my LiveSpace photo gallery. I cannot upload photos. I got one, but I put that thing on there months ago, using a different computer. Now there's some error about something called ActiveX or something like that. (Ironic that my error message would contain reference to a program whose name sounds like a chemical pesticide.

To weasel my way around the apparent error. I'm going to try to post images here and upload them that way. Maybe then things will be more flexible...

TEST 1: Yosemite & Canyon

Its rather small so... I don't know. We'll see how this works and operate from there... In fact... no. No I don't like it. I'm going to try some other things with my browser (downloaded IE7 by the way.) Actually, elaboration on that. IE 7 is actually Internet Explorer 7, beta that is. Beta means "in testing phase" and I'm using it. The actual complete and finished IE7 has not yet been finished. Which means nothing to me, 90% of the stuff I use on this computer is 'unfinished' and about 60% of the stuff I write is also 'unfinished.' Recently though I've had a bit of a surge in beta filespace on this computer (I've been downloading a lot of new beta programs). These files- published by Microsoft (or at least the ones I've been interested in) are all a part of the MSN network upgrade to a new concept they have dubbed "Live." Essentially, the mentality behind all the new software is that everyone is moving into the age of high speed, always-on Internet. Everyone is connected, and they're connected fast enough to be seamlessly integrated.
This has been playing up a bit I think.
In January of the coming year- The Windows branch of the Microsoft Corporation will release a new operating system called Windows Vista. The same way that they upgraded Windows95 to Windows 98, and Windows98 to WindowsXP, this program upgrades WindowsXP to a completely new OS called: Vista. Having seen the stuff involved in this project, I must say that even if it doesn't do a single thing for productivity, it is at least absolutely beautiful to witness in action. Windows Vista is a compendium of Live software. When released, all the beta versions will have been tested and perfected and added to the list of auxilary (and often unnecessary) software that typically accompanies a new operating system (but thanks anyway Microsoft. ^_^).

Several of the beta functions of Vista software are available for testing and beyond being beautiful, like I mentioned earlier, some of these things are amazingly useful, depending on your demographic. IE7 is one such beta. In addition to that- I downloaded Windows Media Player 11 last night and have had a wonderful time with the new format, and I highly recommend it to those of you with a great deal of music resting on your computer, especially if you have multiple albums by the same artist. The new WMP is highly organized and graphically oriented for those of us who prefer not to scroll through six pages of indecipherable listings.

I also picked up the full version (beta testing was completed about a month ago) of Windows Live Messenger which, in addition to following the same look and feel of the other Live programs, involves features like the ability to send and recieve instant messages even when you are displayed as offline. It also employs a networking feature that gives you direct shared-folder functionality. Talking to someone and you want to send them a couple of things? Open their shared folder, drag junk into it like you would on your own desktop, and they are instantly avaliable for the person you are talking to. That feature I think best represents the Live philosophy. Some of the best things about the new messenger however are abilities like Call, allowing you to instantly connect via VoIP (Voice Over Internet Protocol) to your friend's computer and share a telephone call. (And I thought my Skype was cool... Well... it is, it lets you call generic phones and cellular. :P)

With the update of the messenger to Live, the Microsoft team has also updated their infamous Hotmail system. There isn't a great deal you can do to make an email server more instantaneous, in fact there isn't a great deal you can do besides change the name. So they're calling it LiveMail. Its accessible publicly and many people have already begun to use it, even in its beta stages. The format changes allow a far greater navigational ease with an upgrade to a more 'Outlook' style  interface wherein folders and files are given a sidebar, a second panel displays the folder contents, while the third, often largest panel displays the actual email. There are numerous ways to customize these settings and when using it I found it far more fun and simple than the traditional Hotmail.

That is until I found Windows LiveMail Desktop (beta). This program takes everything great about the new LiveMail, wires it full of new features, gives you a maximized interface instead of LiveMail's condensed panel boxes that are restricted to a set size within the browser window, and places all of this on your desktop for instant access. Basically it's Microsoft Outlook, just cooler. Way cooler. For one, you don't have to pay to use this one. Professionals will enjoy the businesslike functionality and features of Outlook, but what if you're not a business professional? Viola. With basic visuals that can be altered (color, size, layout) to suit the user's preference, to instant publishing tools like BlogIt (a general one click option to publish an email as a blog to your LiveSpace) LiveMail desktop has become one of my favorites of the Live betas Microsoft has released.

But it isn't my true favorite... (Arby, this one is for you, buddy.) Microsoft also updated the MSN Spaces to what is now called LiveSpaces, which, as far as I can tell includes little more than a useless name change and the new flat-jewel format charictaristic of the Live name. As far as features are concerned, I have been unable to note a major difference. If there have been any and I've missed them, I blame it on my only recent use of the MSN spaces (I started using the Spaces almost immediately before the new system was implemented and hadn't a great deal of time to orient myself with all of the features.). And all of that is well and good, it looks nice, and offers the same MySpace style page layout and P2P interactivity. The things that interested me mostly was (if it wasn't obvious) the ability to blog. Whereas my old blog on Blogstream had begun doing some very strange things (locking me out, losing my posts, refusing to delete older posts when I aked it to) I figured it was about time to let her go and find a new home. It was Jessica Bond who first made me aware, perhaps unintentionally, of the MSN Spaces with her own space which I visit periodically... (okay... a lot. Geez! What? *Innocent puppy dog eyes*) Anyway- finding hers sent me on a search for my own being that apparently, the moment you sign up for an MSN passport you automatically get one (in addition to instant membership at about fifty other random web sites that use the passport as their client signature). I found it soon after my search began and I kinda fiddled with it for a while, trying stuff out, messing with my format options and putting all my information in and generally making a productive waste of my time. I still can't upload photos... I tried a few blogs, found that I liked the style, and, after leaving a brief note one the Blogstream blog, set up shop here, perhaps permanently. Why? Because this place offers something that no other blog site I've ever found can offer. (Arby, this is where you come in.)

LiveWriter (beta) was released fairly recently to my knowledge. I downloaded it, having no real idea what it was at first. (Mostly my motivations for downloading it progressed as follows: Hm... lets see here... Live betas... doo doo doo dee doo... Oh hey! What's this? Hm... Windows LiveWriter... writer. Huh. I'm a writer. I mean... I write stuff. If I write stuff and it's called LiveWriter its probably a writing program of some kind... And I can always use a new writing program, after all... I am a writer. Hmm... Okay. *click* DOWNLOAD!) Three seconds later when the download was finished I opened it up and it asked me for my MSN Passport ID (my email and password) I put it in there and it began browsing through something, I wasn't quite sure what it was doing until it came up with a list of LiveSpaces, one LiveSpace actually. It asked me if this one was mine and I'm like "Uh... yeah?" And clicked OK. It opened into a brief reproduction of my LiveSpace blog! So I'm using this program right now to construst this (I know... really long) blog and I'm doing it all offline. When I get near an internet hotspot, I don't have to go on, log into my LiveSpace, open the blog, copy stuff over, copy my links over, make sure the photo fits and is properly formatted, no- I hit ONE BUTTON and shebang! My blog updates automatically. This thing also stores my past blogs for instant offline editing or review, and the program offers all of the same features of the original blog in the same format so nothing needs to be restructured or arranged from a word document! YAY!

It also has a build in spell checker ^_^ always a plus. (Though I rarely use it... I'm so stupid... (smacks self inhead)) Okay- so I've just delivered a two-page spiel on all of Microsoft's new stuff... Wow, I should get paid to do this... Sorry. I know a lot of this is really not that interesting. This is current stuff in my world though. Oy... I'll be selling this stuff in a few months. I've provided links to all the betas is you people are interested in getting some of them, they are all made by Microsoft so they're all garunteed to be virus and spyware free or you get to sue a multibillion dollar company that has better things to do than deal with your little lawsuit and will likely offer you something in the range of a three million dollar settlement and tell you to shove it. ^_^ I'll have something interesting next time, I promise. Jess! I'll write you tonight! Arby? Are you still out there somewhere? I'll talk to you soon. I may pick up that second Vampire film if you're up for it. I work tonight at Michael's five pm to close so it will be about the regular release time for me. Take it easy everyone! It's still morning as I finish this and I have some apartment shopping to do! ^_^

Cheers!

I got in last night about 20 minutes after the last post (around 5am) The reason for that fortune was that at 5am, David Idleman, my stepdad, leaves for work at the hospital. I was lying in my car, and I hear movement, and a strong mechanical mutter. It's the garage door. And it's happy to see me. So basically I grabbed all of my stuff and bolted forward. I made it under the door just as it was closing again and just in time to see Dave roll away in his truck. I got in and found myself somehow, not at all tired. And even struggled to go to sleep for about 2 hours into the early morning, even watching the sun rise as I rolled beneath the blankets in futile attempts to rest following such excitement. ^_^

I awoke at noon; four to five hours following, and I prepared for work. (Thank God for showers) Made sure I had all the appropriate apparel, and then I took a minute or two to experiment with F.E.A.R. (After a while I'll be sure to post a full review, even though Arby will probably be the only one interested... Oh well) For a brief explanation: F.E.A.R. stands for First Encounter Assualt Recon. The program itself is a next generation FPS and has the audacity to be so graphically stunning that it makes my Dual Core, 64bit, AMB Turion processor with a full gig of RAM laptop- actually lag with some significance... Which isn't possible. (Shrug) The game is hailed as the benchmark of our time for the FPS genre, and screwing around with it as I have, I'd have to say I can present no argument to counter that. I downloaded the game last night; all 1.76 gigabytes of it. Took about 2 hours. I had to restart the computer and the game automatically calibrated itself to suit my system. (Basically it went casually browsing through my computer to check out what kind of processor and graphics card I had, laughed at me, and set the game to minimum performance so that it wouldn't fry my machine. Thanks... what a reassurance.)

So far though, as an initial experience review- I'd describe the game as generously creepy with just a hint of freakism, a slight pinch of basic thrill, and a dollup of mystery. I normally don't describe a high end PC game in the same format as one would a simplistic cookie recipe, but it seemed to fit in this instance.

I'm at Hardees now. Sitting as I do sometimes late into the night, and now seems as good a time as ever to fulfill that Customer description I promised. After all, today I witnessed a perfect example of one. And running the show? My very own Richard Winters.

The "My-Friend-Is-A-Computer-Guru" Customer: Description and Thesis

These creatures can be any variety of shapes and sizes and are growing in number every year, and present a growing threat to the retail technology industry, and themselves. Their general innattention to reason has baffled many psychologists and retail industry associates the world over. They can be often spotted as exhibiting some of the following common charictaristics:

• Carrying a Mobile (Cell Phone) - Used to quickly contact their Computer-Guru friend and double check all the stuff you've just told them.
• Smug Expression - Generated by the illusion that they possess superior technical support and that they can get it for free.
• Paper List - Often details several notes about superior brands or processors, typically drawn up by their Guru before they entered the store.
• Travels in Pairs - The two or more rule often applies for this customer. Generally this customer relies heavily on exterior support (thus the Guru) even if it is someone who knows even less about computers than you do; AKA: Husband, wife, pet eskimo, etc.)
• Close Cropped Haircut (Males) - I have yet to find an underlying reason for this consistency.

 The majority of times, this genre of customer will not even enter a store without having first consulted their 'computer-guru-friend' who, for the sake of simplicity, will be furthermore referred to as the CGF. The dependance upon the information provided by the CGF is usually, entirely void of open-mindedness. The psychology of the CGF customer is mostly paranoia-based with a tendency towards general distrust of salesmen. Beware when attempting to contact them, and use the most careful caution. They can be edgy at times.

A benefit of the CGF customer is an easy ability to tell when they are becoming discontent with the information in your sales pitch. If your CGF customer is wielding a cellular phone (please note that wield is actually the appropriate term) the easiest indicator when giving your pitch is when they begin to toy with the phone, fiddling with it, perhaps opening it as if to check something, or raising it to shoulder level as if to scratch a part of their upper body with the same hand. If any one of these things should begin to occur throughout the pitch it is normally a good idea to ease out of the current topic and perhaps take the sale in a different direction. Watch the customer's reactions to provide an outline for your overall sales strategy and create a more desireable approach for your CGF customer. Also, if at any time during the sale the customer opens the phone and begins dialing their CHF, be advised: BACK THE HECK AWAY - IMMEDIATELY. A direct phone conversation in the middle of a sale is both awkward and disruptive to the sale process. In addition, you will have no idea what crazy stupid the Guru is telling the customer, which means when they get off the phone, you cannot add to or detract from anything they were told without risking a contradiction of the Guru's knowlege, which will often result in a loss of the sale.

For those few CGF customers not carrying a cellular, the best way to gauge their interest and trust is to watch their reaction to your sale directly. Typically the more confusion registers on their face, the less they are likely to believe anything you are saying. This is typically because of the initial knowledge base of the customer. The information they are provided is specific to what the guru has told them, anything else will register as unfamilliar information and will, in all liklihood, just confuse them.

For the daring associate, it is sometimes possible to speak directly to the CGF through the cellular phone. This rarely occurs and takes the cooperative agreement of all three parties to be effective. I witnessed one such a thing today at Best Buy, as Richard Winters boldly took the bull by the horns and spoke with the Guru through the customer's mobile and, to my knowledge at least, successfully completed the sale with the Guru's blessing. Way to go, Richard!

So I awoke this morning and my eye felt like I had a splinter in it. It lasted the majority of the day, and as work drew closer and closer, I began to fear. Glancing at my eye in a mirror, it kinda looked like I had a splinter in it too. It was all red and puffed up around the edges. And, I mean lets face it: no one wants to buy a computer from someone who looks like they're strung out on crack. I wouldn't anyway... I called ahead, they said call again if I am sure I can't make it. I said screw it and came in. People were like- "Whoa, that looks like it hurts!" I'm like "Well, it hurts about like it looks too."

I survived, and the pain subsided by the end of the day. At least enough for me to make one killer sale to this particular woman named Patsy. The gal bought everything bless her heart.

Alright, this is a good long post and I've said everything I want to say and now I'm going to end it because I want to talk to Jess. Goodbye! ^_^

Good morning everyone! Its 4:41! Goodness, getting around to my next actual post seems to have been quite a bear hasn't it? I'll write it when I'm under better conditions because I am afraid I have been rather unintentionally locked out of the house. There's a good reason why, I left earlier without my key. Which is something that I do now and again. I didn't realize it till I got back and found my key not in my pocket where it should be. The hope so far is that I left my key at home and that it didn't fall out and one of my many, many locations today. Because if it has, I'll have to once again go to Arby to create a copy. (Thank God I made that investment) So as of now, all I can do is merely sit outside on my front porch with this laptop plugged into the external outlet and type the sad tale to you all, as it happens. The best I can really do is to go stand beside my window, an estimated two feet from where my key normally is within, merely an arms distance away, and shiver in the cold because there is quite a wall between myself and that key...

I did make decent use of the time spent in this darkness however. I watched the remainder of the movie that Arby and I rented a week ago. I only saw half of it the first time, so now at least I'm all caught up for when we get to the sequel. Both movies are plenty old, which I suppose is why we're watching them. We haven't seen a recent film in longer than I can remember.

As to little Jessica Bond, please don't worry about me, I'll get my sleep, and my warmth. I just had to step outside for an outlet, thats all. My battery was threatening to die near the end of the movie, I'll just go back to my 'dar' here in a sec, after I'm done writing, and settle up for the night. I've eaten plenty so I'll not need to worry about breakfast. In fact, the problem of getting in is only a problem if I can't enter by the time I have to go to work at Best Buy. Because my work clothes are in there... And they won't appreciate it if I try to go to work without them.

Okay so its getting kinda cold, this post was destined to be short. Not so much about customer types... We'll get to that eventually, I promise. (Yeah, as if they're all dying to hear about it...) For those of you still following my competition with random inanimate objects I encounter day to day the score stands at-

• Caleb - 2
• Microwave -1
• House Lock - 1
• Chicken Noodle Soup - 0

(I won the chicken noodle soup battle. It was pretty intense to say the least. I was fighting it for Jess's affection. I nearly lost, but I won out in the end. ^_^)

Okay, so I'm freezing to death now. It's not the warmest night, as we are moving into fall... The days are just cooling down. Next post I'll put the relevant scores at the beginning of the post, and not halfway through so no one has to search for them again. Now I'm going to go. My fingers aren't moving as fast across the keyboard, and I keep making a typos because they're shivering! (You Sent Phoenix a Nudge!) As if...

Bye!